Tickle me green; I'm too naive.

So, today I went to Trader Joe's to pick up my weekly supplies. It was a nice visit. Thanksgiving's approach has the isles packed with agitated shoppers. What I love most about this time of year -- at the store, that is -- is the abundance of cranberry products. It's fantastic. One of the lovely workers, there, suggested that I might enjoy the goat cheese with cranberries. Next time, I intend to try it. For now, I will stick to my usual brie with cranberries and raisins.

On the way home, I plugged my iPod in and listened to the superb stylings of one Mr. Johnny Flynn. My lovely boy from London. I highly recommend you check it out if you haven't already experienced the splendor. Well, I guess I should get to work on... well, I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll cook. Or do laundry. Yes, I think I'll clean something.

Have a good evening.

Crackling fire and "window shopping."

I was surfing around Urban Outfitter, today so, naturally, I found things that I love and might even need. However, due to a lack of funds, dreams will remain as such.

I'm hungry. Eggplant humus, pumpernickel pretzels and chamomile tea, anyone?

Surveyism.

1. Where is your cell phone: On the side table next to me.
2. Your hair: Messy and tousled. Pretty par for the course.
3. Your favorite food: Dressing. Or stuffing, depending on your definition.
4. Your dream from last night: That I wasn't friends with one of my friends but I was trapped on her driveway.
5. Your favorite drink: Tea.
6. Your dream/goal: I want to meet someone, fall in love, and have a baby. How out of character, for me.
7. What room are you in: The living room.
8. What are your hobbies: writing, reading, scrapbooking, embroidering, and jewelry making.
9. What is your fear: Spiders.
10. Where do you want to be in 6 years: In love.
11. Where were you last night: Home.
12. Something you are not: Sure.
13. Muffins: Are delicious and slightly adorable.
15. Where did you grow up: Oakley.
16. Last thing you did: Made tea.
17. What are you wearing: White Nike t-shirt and baggy blue sweat pants.
18. Your TV: Is stupid and broken.
19. Your pets: A Maltese and a Pomeranian.
20. Your friends: Are pretty sweet. And fertile.
21. Your favorite store: Vintage anything.
22. Your favorite color: Gray.

I could use some Gatorade.

Today (Wednesday) is my first day at a new school. I'm a bit nervous but, I am hoping things go well. I am just taming my mind with excessive watchings of How I Met Your Mother aka my favorite show!

Well, NPH is on.

Ashley out.

Ma talked me down.

So I talked to my mother about my concerns of voyeurism and she informed me that that is a natural part of growing up... as you get older, you automatically show up in all sorts of databases; there's not a whole lot you can do to avoid it. I don't like it, but I must adapt.

Tonight is the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother and my heart is singing. This week is full of season premieres which is calming me slightly for the start of school, on Wednesday. I'm nervous.

Within the next three or four months, I am going to try to make it back to Texas for a week or two. I love the south during fall/winter.

Anyway, bye.

Big Brother.

Okay. So -- for whatever reason -- I decided to Google myself. I wasn't actually expecting any real results; however, I found myself. Not only did I find myself IMMEDIATELY, there is a site that shows my full name, my phone number, who lives in my house, and actually has my address and an areal view of my address!

I have no idea how this information was acquired and how it was organized. I am so startled, right now. I have this awful ominous feeling like someone posted my personal information in order to harm me. Like in high school when someone does something shady to someone else to cause problems for them. I feel like someone made a fake myspace page for me or something and is talking to people and giving out my phone number. I am half expecting random phone calls from people like my information was put on Craig's List.

I HATE the internet.

I am 7,635 days old.

John Lancaster Spalding once said that "each forward step we take we leave some phantom of ourselves behind."

I'm finding that as time passes, I am recognizing the subtle differences in myself. I feel like a completely different person, now, then I was six months ago. I remember who I was, before; like a memory of an old friend. Sometimes I think about how I used to respond to situations and how I would respond to the very same, now. It's strange... for some reason I always thought that change was too subtle or gradual to be noticed by the one changing. Like when you haven't seen someone in a long time and they say how different you look but you don't notice the differences because you're too close... you're used to it.

I have more responsibilities now because of school and my work but I feel more in control. Emotionally, I feel lighter. I feel older. Grown. Much more mature than I was last year. And one thing I'm noticing about myself now that I am aware of these differences: I don't have much to say, anymore.

Mindless drivvle.

I can't wait til it cools down. It's hot and the heat makes me tired. Also, I want to go camping and I don't like camping in the summer because it's too hot.

My birthday is next month. It's my 21st. I don't have anything planned and I probably won't make any. I've never placed much importance on birthdays.

Issues with school administration is consuming my life, these days. Everything else is falling to the way side and it's making me grumpy. I guess that's it.

I asked for video games for my birthday;

just a little FYI.



I want a scanner so I can post my environmentalist public service announcements that preach to the ill logic of environmentalism in forward thinking and liberalism. I'm actually waiting on hate mail from Peta.

I wrote a poem this morning which I dubbed Insecure Narcissist. Also, I think I am going to design the artwork for my book(s); it will give me an extra something to do and maybe release some sort of creative energy I didn't know I was harboring.

And I shall leave you with this: I devoted a section of my heart to Neil Patrick Harris.

Guys... what happened to the grand gesture?

A few hours ago, I went for a walk with Darling Nikki. We trekked across town, passing shindigs and chatting fellows. We had another lovely walk discussion. As always, it almost completely revolved around guys and sex.

We enjoy our walks and hope to make them a regular occurrence.


P.S. My computer is in intensive care and is out of commission until next week :(

One is the lonliest number.

Okay, I'll be the first to admit it: I'm a recluse. There really is no point in denying it... it's painfully obvious. Here I am, 21 years old and I have no close friends. Well, that's not true. I have close friends. I just don't have any close friends I particularly want to be around.

My main past time these days are watching HGTV, doing laundry, and drinking Champagne. It's beginning to look like I am on my path to Grey Gardens. To be honest, though, I would much rather be alone by choice than to be around people because I tried so hard to make plans with people; that just makes me feel pathetic. So, instead, I shall revel in the knowledge that I am exactly where I put myself. Desperately calling and texting my "friends" trying to get someone to hang out with me is just bad for my self esteem.

So yeah, I may seem pathetic and whatever, but at least I'm calling the shots.

Typical girl.

Today I went grocery shopping. Whilst at the grocery store, I bought some new face wash, mascara, eyeliner, tampons, and deodorant. I purchased one of those new deodorants where they have the pretty scents that are supposed to be all fancy; I was curious.

So, I come upstairs and am unpacking my haul and I open up the deodorant to smell it and immediately freeze... It smells like my ex boyfriend. "Sexy Intrigue". What are the odds? It kind of saddened me. Alas, I shall overcome. Whoever decided it was easier to be the heart breaker as opposed to the heart broken was full of shit.

Goodnight.

ill.

SIX RANDOM THINGS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ME:
1) I have a horrible back.
2) I can tie a cherry stem in a knot, with my tongue.
3) I did theater, in high school.
4) I sleep diagonally across my bed.
5) I tend to stack things.
6) I can read a 1500+ page book in less than two days.

TOTALLY ADDICTED TO:
1) Caffeine
2) Chap stick
3) Tennis shoes
4) Crime shows
5) HGTV. I love to organize and decorate.
6) Fashion blogs

DISLIKING:
1) Tomatoes
2) Obnoxious behavior
3) When people blame others for their own unhappiness.
4) Constant complaining
5) Luke warm beverages
6) judgmental people

I don't have a title.

Today I went to the movies with my dearest of dears, Heather. Afterward, we went to eat at Red Robin. Delish. We discussed how she met her husband and how she knew he was the one and that they were engaged six months after they began dating. Half my friends have found that person they intend to live out the rest of their days with.

Sometimes, I think I'm emotionally handicap; someone should throw me a telethon.






I've still been working on my room. Definite progress, however, it is still far from where I would like it. I am so sick of the blue walls. I don't know what gave me the impression I would a colorful person... Back to work.

The other side of sunrise.

I decided to take a walk around the grounds today, around sunrise. I took pictures. Sometimes life gets to busy or tedious or distracting or what have you that sometimes you really do forget to stop and smell the roses. I don't partake in the beauty of my surroundings nearly as often as I should. Well, I aim to remedy that. I took pictures of the yards and even caught up with the guard whilst at his post over looking the side entrance.












That's my dog, Elvis. He is unwavering when it comes to his duties. He always perches himself atop the couch and watches the perimeter. Dedicated to his due diligence.

I guess I'll go to sleep before I continue my project. I've made a little bit of progress.

Bread crumbs.

I'm still cleaning my room. To be more accurate, I am procrastinating on the computer to avoid cleaning even though I want to be. Sometimes I get so lost in my own logic that On-Star couldn't find me. That's where this survey comes in... I was bull shitting online and this is what I have to show for myself.

All of these questions are pretty lame; however, in case someone somewhere cares, I would hate to deprive you of the opportunity to educate yourself on the inner workings of me. So, go ahead... go crazy.


1. Thing you cannot leave the house without?
I'm going to say my bag because that encompasses all of the necessities: keys, sunglasses, identification, and on occasion, a sealed bottle of liquor.
2. Favorite brand of makeup?
M.A.C. That makes up about 96% of my collection.
3. Favorite flower?
Roses.
4. Favorite clothing store?
Urban Outfitters and various thrift stores.
5. Favorite perfume?
Chanel.
6. Heels or flats?
Flats. Almost always. Sneakers, in particular.
7. Do you make good grades?
Yes, I do.
8. Favorite colors?
Since technically black is the absence of color, I am going to say gray. I also like purple and green.
9. Do you drink energy drinks?
When the opportunity presents itself, I take advantage. With certain alcohol, I think it might be required.
10. Do you drink juice?
On occasion. Only grape, cranberry, and pomegranate.
11. Do you like swimming?
No, not really.
12. Do you eat fries with a fork?
If they have toppings.
13. Favorite moisturizer?
I have moist skin; I don't really need moisturizer.
14. Do you want to get married later on in life?
Maybe. It depends.
15. Do you get mad easily?
I used to. As I've gotten older, I've become more mellow.
16. Are you into ghost hunting?
I love haunted places. I want to go to the top ten most haunted places.
17. Any phobias?
I actually have a small notebook that I keep track of them in. Three of the top ones are: being lost in space, spiders, and being hit by a cab.
18. Do you bite your nails?
Not really.
19. Have you ever had a near death experience?
Only if I leave the house.
20. Do you drink coffee?
Every chance I get.

New beginnings.

I’m purging. Not in the sense that I am expelling the contents of my stomach; I am overhauling my dwelling. I think it’s time. My room has been basically the same since I was about sixteen or seventeen. I heard somewhere that every five years you become a new person, thus, it is time for renovations.

The three biggest hurdles I must deal with are 1.) the sheer mass of my bed, 2.) my ridiculous amount of laundry, and 3.) all of my furniture is so heavy… I have a feeling I might get hurt. For those reasons, I am procrastinating. I even went so far as to create this blog. My reason for making it is not completely clear yet – even to me. If I had to give a reason, I would probably say that I am on some sort of journey towards self-discovery. It sounds cliché, I know, however, it’s true.

My 21st birthday is fast approaching and I finally feel older than I remember being. Does that make sense? I think that I might be finding my own kind of style or voice or something. At least I hope that I am.

I’ve been purging a lot, lately. I deleted my MySpace, then I deleted my other blog (it was really whiney and riddled with talk of my ex-boyfriend and I want to separate myself from that), and sometime tomorrow, I intent to delete my Facebook. I realize that I will probably eventually make a new one but for right now, I want to separate myself from that culture; the culture of checking people’s status updates to know what’s going on with them as opposed to just talking to them. I want people to know what’s happening in my life because they talked to me. I miss actual human interaction. This blog is more for my own benefit. I want to chronicle this strange disorganized and poorly planned journey of mine. I want this to be about me and how I am living and growing, not about whining and other people.

Well, I guess I should get back to cleaning. Once I make noticeable progress, I’ll photograph it and post. That’s another thing I want to start doing: taking pictures. Not anything impressive or professional; I just want to have actual things to look back on… visual memories. Look forward to them.

Final thought: What I find amusing and stupid is that there is no one reading this. Not a soul, apart from my own. However, I still write as if someone were reading it. Habit, I guess.